Zane and I had a little secret for the past nine months. We knew Dallin's birthmom was pregnant again and wanted to give us this baby. Even though his birthmom had been able to place a baby with us once, we knew this wasn't a sure thing. This new baby is Dallin's half brother and so having a different birth father who is still in the picture made us very apprehensive. We got the call on Tuesday, April 21st that the baby was coming, so the three of us hopped on a plane the next morning and flew to Vegas to pick up this baby boy. Everything did not go as planned though and the birth father did not want to sign the papers no matter how hard Dallin's birthmom tried to convince him. Obviously, this was a hard time for our family. The good part of the experience was showing Dallin to his birthmom.
We went to the hospital to visit Dallin's birthmom, and she was so thrilled to see him. She kept staring at Dallin trying to see what features of his look like hers. She even had to admit that he looks a lot like Zane! Dallin gave her a present, a scrapbook of his first year that I had made. It was the perfect gift.
His birthmom kept saying that she thinks deep down Dallin knows who she is and that she is someone special in his life. I assured her that he did know and that we will continue to tell him all about this wonderful girl who gave him life. We also told her how much we love her.
As Dallin's birthmom was telling us about the struggle she is having with convincing the new baby's birthdad to place with us, I asked her if she was happy with her decision she made to place Dallin in our family. She assured me that she is very happy with her decision and thinks we are the best parents.
These conversations brought me back to the room here in Houston when she placed Dallin into my arms. There was such a special spirit of love in that room. I look at how happy Dallin is in his life with us and how at peace she is with her decision, and it hit me again that this was what adoption is really about. Giving Dallin to us allowed his birth mom to find peace in life while giving Dallin a two parent home with the gospel. I get very angry when I hear that a girl who places her baby in another family for adoption must not love their baby very much. They couldn't be more wrong. Adoption is the greater love. It is placing the baby's needs before your own wants and desires. It is a Christ like love. How lucky we are to be part of this amazing journey.
11 comments:
I was just flipping through the different blogs- and i came across yours.. I am very encouraged with this..
I recently just given up my 1st born to a Christian family.. the Lord provided everything through the whole adoption, even tho He knew i wanted to keep my baby boy.
Giving up my baby is indeed the hardest things i could ever have done- but i did what was best for him. I loved him enough to him to a family that would be able to give him what he needs.. and i am at peace with knowing that he will hear the Word of God and learn what Christ has done for him.
There are so many girls out there who are going the "easy" way out..by killing their young one within them... abortion shouldn't be a suggestion or a choice. Adoption is one of the most powerful thing there is- because you have to love them enough to give them up after giving birth to them.
I am just amazed at how God works things through.. hearing your side of the story of an Adoption truely helped me alot. Thank you for posting it. :D
-Dayna
Ariane and Zane, you are such examples to me. What great strength you guys have. I would have been crazy. I couldn't imagine being a birthmom having to make that decision. I have seen the good that comes from that decision though through friends in TX and UT. The love that is given on both ends is just amazing, all so that little person can have what is best for them. Good luck you guys. Come back and visit again.
Thanks for sharing this with us. Like 2Crazzie4U, I was touched by your experience.
How wonderful that Dallin's birthmom could see how he has been growing under your nurturing care! It must have done her heart good!
You know...I'm so lucky to be your friend and to know you. I love how you've captured this moment in your life and the positive influence for good that you are.
Yep.
Amazing.
Ariane (and Zane, and Dallin),
What a wonderfully written post about such an emotional issue.
What an incredibly tough journey and how amazing it is to see where it has brought you and what you have learned.
How lucky Dallin is to have a mom who could make that choice. And how right you are that it is a greater love.
I am sorry to hear that things have not gone as hoped - what a difficult period of time for your family and her.
Thanks for sharing your story and love with us.
Wow, what an emotionally crazy time for you guys!! I'm so sorry that things didn't work out with Dallin's half-brother. I can't imagine waiting 9 months and hoping for that and not having it turn out the way you want. I know you are so blessed to have Dallin, though, and I know he is so blessed to have you. You guys have such a great perspective on the whole adoption thing, and I know the Lord will bless you according to His will. Our prayers are with you!!
If it weren't for you, I wouldn't have quite the perspective on adoption that I do today. I think you and Zane (as well as all other parents who struggle to have children)are amazing for having the strength and courage to keep a positive attitude about something so hard. Heavenly Father will bless you for this righteous desire to raise stripling warriors.
Your story continues . . .I'm so glad I know you and Zane. You both strengthen me and Justin. We love your eternal perspective of things.
We're so sorry that somebodies choice changed your trip and your life. I'm thrilled that this girl was able to see what a perfect family you three are! Thank you for sharing special moments, yet hard moments. You touch so many lives!
Sorry things didn't work out! Thanks for sharing your adoption stories. It is such an amazing process and the women who do give their babies up for adoption are the most loving of all. They have a lot of courage!
wow ariane. I am so sad for you guys - really. I don't know what to say besides that I really admire your courage and strength through these battles!!
I was kinda just glancing at some of your posts- the whole adoption of Dallin surely is amazin {God surely will use him in a very special way}..
Random question- was it hard for you to have seen his birthmother holding him {Dallin} that day you went to see her at the hospital when he was born, knowing that she is fallin more in love with him and could easily change her mind? What short of things were going through your mind at the time? -- you don't have to answer if you don't want to. Haven't met someone who had adopted a kid from USA besides the family i had given my kid to and now you. Just am curious about the other side of the adoption!
I am very at awe at how God worked everything out for Dallin- how He saved his life from being aborted, and now put into a great family {so i can tell from some of these posts and the comments of those who knows ya}
Even tho this 2nd child couldn't go home with you- it was indeed amazing to see how glad you were to show Dallin his birthmom...and changed the trip into something positive. Praise the Lord!!
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