Changed For Good

"It well may be that we will never meet again in this lifetime.

So let me say before we part

So much of me is made of what I learned from you.

You'll be with me like a hand print on my heart

And now whatever way our stories end

I know you have re-written mine by being my friend.

Who can say if I've been changed for the better?

I do believe that I have been changed for the better.

And because I knew you...I have been changed for good."

"For Good" from the musical Wicked

Dallin's birthmom passed away on the 31st. I'm not sure if anyone, besides those on the adoption path, can understand a relationship between a birth mom and an adoptive mom. He is never just my baby. Yes Dallin is meant to be in our family and is sealed to us, but he has two moms who will impact his life. I feel like I have an extra responsibility to be the best mom because someone else entrusted me with the care of her baby. Dallin's birth mom gave him the precious gift of life and now Zane and I are giving him a life with an eternal family. I didn't understand true sacrifice until that moment when she placed Dallin in our arms. Not a day goes by when I don't look at my son and say a prayer thanking Heavenly Father for bringing Dallin's birth mom to our lives and for her sacrifice. She is our angel, our hero.

At placement

Dallin at 14 months on our Las Vegas trip

One Year Anniversary

I'm taking a break from detailing our Utah trip because it's our forever family anniversary. Today, one year ago, Dallin was sealed in the temple to Zane and me. If you want to read the original post about that day then click here. Maybe it is because it was just a year ago, but I can't let this day go by without celebrating when we were sealed together as a family. A year ago we went to court on the 22nd to finalize the adoption, then on the 23rd we were sealed, and finally on the 24th Dallin had his baby blessing in church. What a fantastic weekend.

In celebrating this day, I had to pull out my favorite adoption CD, "Chosen: Songs of Hope Inspired by Adoption" and listen to my favorite song, the song we listened to non stop a year ago on the way to the temple. It is sung by one of the women in my Families that Support Adoption group, Elizabeth Brown. The song is about waiting patiently for God to answer our prayers and turning over our trials to Him. It was a hard lesson to learn for Zane and me to give up control to God and to wait patiently for His plan and timing to come forth. It was a lesson well worth learning. The chorus is:

All that's been promised

All Heaven offers

Everything I could ever need

If not today

Then surely tomorrow

If I can keep the faith

If only I can wait

Patiently

At the temple that day, we felt like all that God had promised us was being fulfilled. God's answer to our prayers was better then we could ever imagine. If keeping the faith during hard times means blessings like Dallin in our lives, then we will gladly do again whatever we are asked to do.

Adoption- the greatest love

Zane and I had a little secret for the past nine months. We knew Dallin's birthmom was pregnant again and wanted to give us this baby. Even though his birthmom had been able to place a baby with us once, we knew this wasn't a sure thing. This new baby is Dallin's half brother and so having a different birth father who is still in the picture made us very apprehensive. We got the call on Tuesday, April 21st that the baby was coming, so the three of us hopped on a plane the next morning and flew to Vegas to pick up this baby boy. Everything did not go as planned though and the birth father did not want to sign the papers no matter how hard Dallin's birthmom tried to convince him. Obviously, this was a hard time for our family. The good part of the experience was showing Dallin to his birthmom.

We went to the hospital to visit Dallin's birthmom, and she was so thrilled to see him. She kept staring at Dallin trying to see what features of his look like hers. She even had to admit that he looks a lot like Zane! Dallin gave her a present, a scrapbook of his first year that I had made. It was the perfect gift.

His birthmom kept saying that she thinks deep down Dallin knows who she is and that she is someone special in his life. I assured her that he did know and that we will continue to tell him all about this wonderful girl who gave him life. We also told her how much we love her.

As Dallin's birthmom was telling us about the struggle she is having with convincing the new baby's birthdad to place with us, I asked her if she was happy with her decision she made to place Dallin in our family. She assured me that she is very happy with her decision and thinks we are the best parents.

These conversations brought me back to the room here in Houston when she placed Dallin into my arms. There was such a special spirit of love in that room. I look at how happy Dallin is in his life with us and how at peace she is with her decision, and it hit me again that this was what adoption is really about. Giving Dallin to us allowed his birth mom to find peace in life while giving Dallin a two parent home with the gospel. I get very angry when I hear that a girl who places her baby in another family for adoption must not love their baby very much. They couldn't be more wrong. Adoption is the greater love. It is placing the baby's needs before your own wants and desires. It is a Christ like love. How lucky we are to be part of this amazing journey.

Baby Tag

My sister did this tag and I thought, what the heck, I can do it too.

1- Where were you when you first found out you were pregnant?
At LDS Family Services

2- Who was with you?
Zane, Caseworker, and of course our birth mom!

3- How did you find out that you were pregnant?
Our case worker was sneaky and asked us to come in to update paper work. During our conversation, the door opened and in walked the most amazing person...our birth mom.

4- What was your first reaction to finding out you were pregnant?
Shaking, more shaking, and even more shaking (from both Zane and me) I think our birth mom thought we were stupid because we kept asking the same questions as we got to know her. My brain seemed to stop working and nothing was getting processed.

5- Who was the first person you told?
my mom and dad- they cried, we cried, lots of crying

6-Did you plan to get pregnant?
Well yes, we spent forever filling out the paper work!

7- Did you tell everyone else right away?
The rest of my family and special friends. I can't keep a secret.

8-Was everybody happy for you?
Lots of crying!

9- Did you go out and celebrate?
A little, but we were really scared too that this was too good to be true

10- Did you want to find out the sex?
Yes so that I could start painting!

11- What was the sex?
Boy; Our birth mom took me with her to the ultrasound where she found out the sex and I got to hear his heart beat. More tears...

12-Did anyone throw you a baby shower?
Yes, the biggest one ever! They had a committee and committee meetings to plan my baby shower. (I have wonderful friends!) My two friends made the greatest movie, a DVD of all my family members talking to me about how happy they were for us. More tears.... My coworkers also threw one for me about a month and a half after Dallin was born even though they were doing all this extra work covering for me while I was on maternity leave. Again, great friends.

13- If yes, who?
See above

14- Did you get any outfits at the baby shower that you just knew you weren't going to put on your baby?
No, we used it all (hopefully we can have another boy that will be able to actually wear them down as Dallin grew so quickly).

15- How much weight did you gain?
At my baby shower, everyone told me I looked great for being in my 3rd trimester!

16- Did you lose all of the weight that you gained?
Still working on it! Unfortunately, I have to lose my weight the hard way whereas my sister lost 10 pounds just by breastfeeding!

17- Did you get a lot of stretch marks?
Hmmm, no. What a relief!

18- What did you crave the most?
To be able to look in the future to know if this really was going to happen.

19- Did you crave anything crazy?
An angel coming down from Heaven telling me when and how a baby would come to our family so that I could know ahead of time, plan for it and have some CONTROL. That's not really crazy though right?

20- Who or what got on your nerves the most?
The waiting...really two months was way too long!

21- Were you married at the time you got pregnant?
Yes

22- Did you have any complications during your pregnancy?
My birth mom disappeared for a couple of weeks after Christmas. I would say that is a pretty big complication.

23.- Where were you when you went into labor?
Working, saying goodbye to my students, and then laying on the couch waiting for the phone to ring with any news.

24- Did your water break?
I sure hope not!

25- Who drove you to the hospital?
Zane and I went the next day together.

26- Did you go early or late?
In my opinion it took too long, but really Dallin came right on time.

27- Who was in the room with you when you gave birth?
Well, I was alone on the couch (Zane was still working...Dallin had to be born during busy season!) debating about putting Jane Eyre in to watch (Jane Eyre gets watched whenever I need to see someone who has a really depressing life. It gives me hope because I know my life is never as bad as hers. If Zane sees me watching Jane Eyre then he knows something is wrong!)

28- How long were you in labor for?
The anxiety lasted all day until about 9 at night when I got the call that Dallin was born and was healthy. That is also when our birth mom invited us to the hospital to see him the next day.

29- Did you have any drugs for the pain?
I wish they had drugs for the anxiety!

30-Did you go Natural or have a c-section?
If C stands for celebration, cheerfulness, craziness, confusion or concern then definitely a c-section (of course Dallin is really the only one that has had his stomach cut open).

31- What was your first reaction after giving birth?
When Dallin was placed in my arms by our birth mom after she terminated her rights, my heart was breaking for this girl who we loved so much. I couldn't believe how wonderful, selfless, and awesome she was.

32- How big was the baby(s)?
6 pounds 13 ounces

33- Did your Husband cry?
Like a baby. There wasn't a dry eye in the room, but who wouldn't cry?

34- What did you name the baby(s)?
Dallin Max

35- Does his name have any significant meaning?
We liked the name Dallin because it was a little unusual. Of course we heard the name from Dallin H. Oaks, the apostle and well, he is a great guy, so it must be a good name. Max is Zane's dad's name who is deceased.

36- Did you have any visitors?
Family and friends all came by over the next couple of weeks.

37- Did the baby(s) have any complications?
Not at birth, but he had pyloric stenosis which caused him to throw up a lot. He had surgery when he was a month and a half old. This was our hospital experience.

38- How old is your baby today?
11 months

39- When is the next one(s) coming?
Who knows, but we are working on the papers as we speak.

40- If you could, would you do it all over again?
Of course, although on the day when our birth mom terminated her rights, I told Zane Dallin was our one and only. I could never do this again, but it's like labor. With the passage of time, you seem to forget.

National Adoption Day

Saturday is National Adoption Day. It is a day to celebrate adoptions and bring awareness to adoptive and foster care children. One of the many talk radio shows that I listen to is broadcasting about adoptions today and wanted comments from people before the show to help him know what to talk about. I decided I wanted to share a little bit of our story with him in my concern for some political issues of our day. Here is part of what I wrote:

I heard that Obama would like government-funded abortions. If that were a law last year, then we would never have gotten our son. Our son's birth mom got pregnant, didn't know what to do, and so tried to get an abortion. Luckily she didn't have enough money. When she went to try again, she was too far along for an abortion. (The laws of the land protected our son. They of course need to go further in protecting the unborn.) Her mom then told her that she should give the baby up for adoption. She contacted LDS Family Services in Houston and picked us. This was a very hard decision for her because over the course of the pregnancy she grew to love her baby. We spent a month before he was due together getting to know each other. I went with her to a doctor's appointment and heard the heart beat. We were both thrilled. Texas laws require that a birth mom can not sign away her rights until after 48 hours of the birth. We watched our birth mom spend two days in the hospital loving, holding and cuddling her baby. She then signed the paper work and handed our son over to my husband and me. There was not a dry eye in the room as she gave up this little, precious baby to a couple who could give him more. We have an open adoption which is healthiest for all involved. She knows her son is healthy and is loved by us. Our son will grow up knowing he has so many people who love him in his life. He will understand that he has a birth mom who gave him the gift of life and parents who gave him everything else. We love all birth parents. They are our hero for making the harder, selfless decision and loving a baby so much to give him life. By the way, our birth mom is so grateful she didn't abort her baby. She is so proud of him and shows his picture to everyone she meets. She would never consider an abortion again if she ever got pregnant even though she knows how hard it was to give her son to us. But really, after you have held a sweet, precious, new born baby, who could ever think of killing one?

To our birth mom- We love you. Thank you for giving us Dallin.
To Dallin- We are so grateful we have the privilege of being your parents. We love you.
Our daily prayer to God-Thank you for bringing us all together. We have seen and still see miracles in our lives.

Forever

Although finalization was fun, it has been the sealing that we have been looking forward to for so long. In our eyes, Dallin has always been ours and now the courts agree. The important event was to make him ours forever. Dallin was sealed to Zane and I on Saturday, August 23rd at 4:00 p.m. The day was everything I had been looking forward to. Zane and I arrived at the temple right at 3:00. My mom was already there dressed in white to take care of Dallin for us in the nursery while Zane and I filled out paper work. My mom dressed him in his white romper that we made Dallin (it had a vest and bowtie). He wore this for the sealing and his blessing.

While they were in the nursery, Zane and I were in the Celestial room waiting. Finally they brought us into the sealing room. When I saw everyone there, I started crying. We had so many people fly in from Utah to support us. My crying started to get a little out of control (noisy in such a quiet room) so luckily my brother came over and made me laugh. Jared is always great for a laugh. Finally my mom walked in carrying Dallin. Dallin looked so precious in his little outfit. He was as happy as could be looking around the room. He especially thought the chandelier was cool. Patriarch Sutton was our sealer. He also sealed Zane and I when we were married. Zane and I kneeled across the alter and my mom held Dallin by us and put his hand on top of ours. Normally babies cry at this point, but not Dallin. He was an angel. Dallin was then sealed to us for all eternity.

All of our family joined us at my mom's house after taking pictures in the hot Houston heat where we had Olive Garden cater food. My friend Sylvia asked me which I would prefer, a delivery room or a sealing room. I would have to say a sealing room. The experience was a culmination of all our hopes and dreams for the 6 and a half years that we have been married. No wonder there was so many tears. The sealing represented what is so precious to us, family forever.

Family and friends at the temple

Close up

Grandma and Grandpa with us

Family picture outside of the temple

Finalization!

Dallin turned 6 months old on the 19th and that meant we could finalize our adoption. On Friday, the 22nd, we drove down to the Fort Bend County courthouse, about an hour an a half to two hour drive. We brought along some special guests who had flown in from Utah, Carolee and her daughter Melissa (Zane lived with this family throughout high school) and Mary his mom. The court house looks like an old fashion court house you would see in oldie movies. This Friday was adoption day, so the mood in the courthouse was upbeat and positive with a lot of tears flowing. We were the third family to approach the bench. All of our guests stood behind us. Our lawyer asked us some easy questions about raising Dallin and then what name we wanted him to have (Dallin's name was actually Branson Lee until last Friday). I was crying throughout as Zane wrestled Dallin. Then the judge told us Dallin was our baby. He gave him a blue teddy bear and we turned around and had a picture with the judge. It was a very happy moment. After collecting our paper work, we headed back to the Woodlands for lunch at the Cheesecake Factory. What a great day!

At the courthouse with Judge Robert Kern

Outside the courthouse

Our family with Carolee and Melissa

Our family with Mary

The Nobility of Motherhood

We had a lesson in church yesterday about the nobility of motherhood. When the teacher asked the class what we thought this phrase meant, I immediately thought of Dallin's birth mom. Dallin will grow up knowing that he has two moms. One mom carried him for nine months doing the best that she could to keep him healthy. She gave birth to him and then spent two days staring at him in the hospital loving him. I remember when Zane and I went to visit her in the hospital. I walked in and looked around the room for Dallin. She pulled back the sheet and there was Dallin cuddling with her in bed. Zane and I will never forget the meeting where she handed Dallin over to us. As she signed away her rights, she asked our caseworker if all birth moms love their baby this much. You can imagine the many tears flowing that day. So of course I thought of his birth mom yesterday during our class. She is a very noble woman who loved her son so much she wanted to give him more then she could offer. How special for Dallin knowing that the first major decision made in his life was all about love and sacrifice and all for him. How could I not think of her as I held Dallin in my lap during this lesson? It is because of her that I am a mother. Because of her, I get to experience every day with this little boy watching him grow, smile, and see the world. I get to experience the throw up and diaper changes. I get to experience it all with him. I'm grateful for all the noble birth moms out there who give couples like Zane and me a chance to experience the joy of being a parent.

Welcome Home Dallin!

Dallin's two best friends, his cousins Caleb and Drew, were Dallin's first visitors along with Grandma and Grandpa. Everyone came rushing over to our house as soon as we got home to meet Dallin. Before they got there, Zane and I were wondering what to do. We had spent the last six years trying to figure out how to get a baby, that we hadn't thought a lot about what we do when we got one! We figured everything out pretty fast. I love staying home now and hanging out with my sister and sister-in-law while the little boys play!

Adoption: Our Special Miracle

This is a picture of Dallin's birth mom and me holding his hands, and Zane putting his hand on top. Dallin was 48 hours old when we received him. The placement was very special and spiritual. We love his birthmom for the wonderful gift that she gave us. She is a special person who loves Dallin very much. Adoption really is all about love. All three of us believe that Dallin was meant to come to our home and that his birthmom was lead to us. Dallin's journey to our home happened because of the many guardian angels watching over him guiding him to our home.