They're Smitten

 They want to sleep with her

Feed her

 Help with the bathing

Combing her hair

There is a lot of just starring

And trying to hold her hand

Now if only Zane and I got a chance to hold her!  

We have two problems though.  Lili needs to gain some weight.  Gavin picked Lili up out of her swing the other day and brought her to me.  Our other problem is there may be too much loving on the her at times.  I love watching this sensitive side of the boys come out.

By My Side

Zane and I were married two days after Christmas.  It was very rude to do to my mom who tried to keep Christmas as special as possible and do a wonderful wedding for her daughter...I think she pulled it off like she always does. 

I'm so grateful I have had Zane by my side for these last eleven years.  He makes the good times better and pulls me through the hard times.  When I met Zane, he was working 40 plus hours a week and going to school full time.  He was determined to pay his way through school and do whatever it took to finish.  From this I always knew he would do whatever it took to support our family.  I saw that when Zane was trying to pass the four sections of the CPA test.  Zane was so busy working and just didn't have time to study.  He worked on passing this test on and off for three and a half years.  There were times I thought he would just give up.  He was very determined and it was a huge celebration when he passed the last section.  Without his CPA, he wouldn't have the job he has now.

Zane is a hard worker.  Because of this, both companies he has worked for since graduating college have been very good to us when it comes to our adoptions.  We can't plan when we get a baby, we never know how long we will be away when we go pick the baby up, and yet both companies have been very supportive.  When we found out that Liliane was coming early and was expected to be 4 pounds, the caseworker told us to hold off leaving until after she was born so that we knew what health problems we would be facing (and how long a stay we would have.)  When I am left alone to think, my mind always goes to the worse possible outcomes (Zane knows this too and is very patient with my imagination).  I took what the caseworker said to mean we would definitely have health issues, would probably be out in Utah for many months, and there was a possibility Liliane could die (the doctor said Lili had stopped growing and when a doctor told me my embryos had stopped growing that meant they were dying.  My mind jumped to some conclusions).  By the time Zane got home from work, I wasn't doing very well.  I had already planned I would go to Utah by myself and face the long hospital stay, I wasn't sure how we would do Christmas, and I didn't know how I could leave my boys with my mom for that long.  Zane came in, wrapped his arms around me, and said we would all go together and face the situation.  His work was already planning on having him work from "home" in Utah for two weeks.  They wouldn't mind if it was longer.  If we weren't home by January, then we would reassess the situation.  That was all I needed to hear.  I can do anything with Zane by my side.  I am so grateful Zane's company was okay with him working from Utah.  And I'm so glad he has proven himself over and over again that they knew he was a good worker and could trust him.

I can't imagine going through our miscarriages and failed infertility treatments without Zane by my side.  He always knew how to comfort me even though the situation was just as hard on him.  Any man who stays with their wife, keeps sane, and has patience while she adds lots of extra hormones to her body, is a saint.  When I would comment that Zane could have married anyone else and would have children by now, he would remind me that he didn't marry me for my egg quality.  How romantic is that?

I'm so thankful I have Zane by my side navigating being a parent.  He is very involved with the kids, loves to play and wrestle with them, and is my night and shining armor when he makes dishes and laundry magically disappear.

I'm one lucky woman.  I'm glad I have Zane by my side forever.

I'll Be Home for Christmas

 There are a lot of great places to celebrate Christmas (I wouldn't mind a Hawaii Christmas) and we would have enjoyed celebrating Christmas with Zane's family, but after being gone for three weeks, we all just wanted to be home.  We were a little rushed getting ready though.  We decorated our tree on the 23rd, did some last minute shopping on the 24th, and were ready for Christmas Eve that night (of course we stayed up very late the 23rd and 24th wrapping presents and getting everything ready for Christmas morning).  I honestly didn't feel like I had my vacation put away and my house semi decent until the 26th.  There just didn't seem to time to put things away and organize the baby stuff.

Finally able to decorate our own tree and put up the ornaments we picked out for the year!

 We spent Christmas Eve at my mom's house where Liliane was able to meet her cousin Bryson. My adoptions apparently depend on Haley's pregnancies. Caleb is 6 months older than Dallin, Carter is 3 months older than Gavin, and Liliane and Bryson are exactly 4 weeks apart. Bryson weighs 3 times as much as Lili and is twice as long.  In other words...he is a giant!

My brother is in town from the Netherlands for Christmas.  His sweet Sammy loves the babies and was so wonderful with Lili.

Our Christmas Eve's consist of yummy food, acting out the Christmas Story, a white elephant game, chimes, and present exchanges.  It is probably one of my favorite nights of the year.  My mom goes all out and makes every thing wonderful.

Drew was an angel and Gavin a shepard

 Dallin and Sam were Joseph and Mary

They were both so tender with the "baby Jesus" especially Sam.

Here are a few pictures from Christmas morning. Gavin loved his Thomas trains and Dallin loved his new nerf guns.

Both boys took a break from opening presents to eat some candy from their stockings.

Although this Christmas was hectic and out of the norm, I couldn't have asked for a better gift then to have Liliane as part of our family.  We are so thankful she is healthy and doing so well.  Having a Christmas baby makes you slow down on the normal Christmas to do lists (no Christmas cards came out this year or neighbor gifts) and helps you keep focus on family and being together.  We experienced so many little miracles along the path to bringing Liliane home constantly reminding us how much our Savior, Jesus Christ loves us and knows our individual needs. We were on the receiving end to others generosity and service and were so thankful for family in Utah who helped us watch our boys so we could be in the hospital with Liliane.  What a wonderful Christmas!

A Very Pink Christmas

 We were away from home 22 days.  That is a long vacation with a preemie and two crazy boys.  We didn't think we were going to make it back for Christmas.  Our caseworker kept telling us that the government officials who give us permission to leave were already on Christmas vacation and we probably wouldn't get clearance until January after the holidays.  Then we received one of the best Christmas presents.  We got a phone call late Thursday the 20th night that we were allowed to leave.  As much as we enjoyed our time in Utah, we were grateful to be home for Christmas!

We said goodbye to these awesome people (Jake, our brother-in-law, was on a business trip the last week probably to get away from our family!)  Zane and I are forever grateful for Toni and Jake's generosity and patience.  Staying at their house was an answer to prayers and made our adoption situation so much easier.

 We started the two day drive home on Friday morning.  I wish I could say this is how the boys looked going home.  In actuality, I think Dallin is faking sleeping in this picture because if one brother fell asleep, then the other one did everything in their power to wake them up.  Mostly we watched movies the whole way home to keep me sane as trying to entertain the boys without a movie involved fighting and a headache.

 Liliane did sleep the whole way home.  She doesn't like her carseat, but as long as the car is moving, she slept soundly and wins the prize for being the best behaved.

There is nothing more exhausting then driving two days straight with two energetic boys and a baby who keeps you up at night.  We planned on making stops on the way home to let the boys run around, but it was 18 degrees in Southern Utah.  By the time we got home, it was late and all Zane and I wanted to do was climb in bed.  I kept thinking that I should have called my mom to tell her to set up my baby swing so that I had a place to put Liliane while we got the boys to bed since she hates her car seat and she didn't have a bed set up (we left in a rush and I don't do much to prepare for a baby since a birthmom can always change her mind.  It is too painful to take things back or put away.)  When we pulled into our driveway, Zane exclaimed that he could see a Christmas tree through the front window.

Our friends and family had been busy!

I felt really bad for whoever pulled down the tree from the attic because it isn't an easy task.  I'm sure our names were being cursed.  The boys were so excited though to have a tree!

We were also greeted with this sign (in the darkness of course) plus other signs in the yard

 Our house was covered in pink with treats too!

 And the best treat, a place to put Lily as we unloaded.  It is like my family and friends knew exactly what we would need and provided.  I even had some fresh vegetables in my fridge. 

I was so touched by the many hands that welcomed us home from a very long journey.  We definitely felt loved (and I of course cried happy tears)!

Our Sweet Pea

I forgot to take a picture of Liliane on the way home from the hospital.  Seven days later and she already looks bigger.  She had her two week doctor's appointment and weighs 4 pounds 11 ounces.  (She came home at 4 lbs 4 oz.)  Liliane eats really well, sleeps a lot, and doesn't mind being held by her brothers.  We love our sweet pea!

Waiting

When Liliane left the hospital, the process to allow to leave Utah and return home began.  A week and a half later and we are still waiting for permission to leave.  This wouldn't be a big deal normally.  We would just enjoy our vacation.  But we are going on three weeks now (which is definitely taking advantage of my sister-in-laws kindness in letting us stay) and we have a preemie baby we are trying to keep healthy (she is doing wonderful by the way.)  Zane and I have established our daily routine where Zane works from home and takes care of Liliane while I entertain the boys.  We have had friends invite us over for play dates, ran lots of errands, and tried out the children's museum.  This routine seems really off for a mom with a newborn, but keeping the boys busy makes everything easier!  The children's museum provided plenty of busyness and tons of fun!

This waiting process has been made easier by Zane's oldest sister and her family.  My boys are at an age that is hard to be around for a long period of time, they're busy, energetic, and messy.  My nephews are enough years older than my boys that they are super patient, willing to share, and really help entertain my kids.  My boys have loved staying at their house.  They wake up in the morning excited to play and see their cousins off to school screaming bye to them.  They wait anxiously all day for their cousins to come home.  They love wrestling with Uncle Jake and ever since Dallin found out that Jake has a real gun in the house (locked up of course), Dallin thinks he is the coolest.  His prayer every night includes, "Thank you that Jake has a real gun."  My 16 year old niece who is really busy with dance and friends is so sweet with the boys and even wrestles with Dallin.  And of course Aunt Toni has shot up on the favorite scale.  Gavin especially loves his Aunt Toni.  She is super patient with us and our situation.  I'm not sure how we could ever repay their kindness to us.

Snow, Snow, Snow!

 Being from a place where it rarely snows (and if it does, school is cancelled even though the snow doesn't actually stick to the ground), we aren't equipped to play in snow, but we sure love it!  In hindsight, I probably should have gone to a used clothing store and picked up some snow clothes, but who knew we were going to be in Utah this long and we would get so much snow!

The first weekend we were in town, it snowed a little but thinking this may be all we get, we took advantage of it and made do.  The boys loved it but only for 20 minutes because without snow boots, gloves that stay on (and the boys kept taking off their gloves to feel the snow), and snow pants, it got too cold to play in. 

Gavin with his favorite Aunt Toni

Even though he didn't have snow pants, Dallin would roll around in the snow.  He was having so much fun, it didn't seem to bother him.

 By the end of this little outing, I was carrying Gavin back to the house with his frozen hands inside my coat.  He was soon fast asleep on my shoulder but with a smile on his face.

The next weekend a really nice snow storm hit allowing multiple sledding trips and better hills.  We were able to gather some snow pants for Dallin, put gloves on him in such a way that he couldn't pull them off, and boots that were also way too big.  He stayed warm though and loved it!  Zane or I would go out with Dallin in the snow while Gavin napped since we didn't have the right clothes for him.

Dallin with his cousin Garett ready for some sledding!

Building a snowman

 The balls were so heavy that it took the whole group to pile them on top of each other

 A snowman with a hat?

Our last outing was while Zane was working and taking care of Liliane and I was in charge of entertaining the kids.  We found some way too big boots for Gavin and tried to make due.

Dallin wasn't thrilled that I would let Gavin sit on the sled and pull him up the hill since I was trying to keep him out of the snow as much as possible.  Because Dallin was wearing too big of boots, he had a really hard time walking up the hill.  At first I just made him by letting him hold onto my arm for support and helped him up the hill.  I finally caved though after three or four runs and let him sit on the sled.  Let's just say I got my workout that day pulling both boys up the hill.  I was wondering why I was wearing a coat since I was sweating from exertion.  Dallin would yell out encouragement that sounded a lot like what I say to him.  "You can do it.  You are so strong.  Keep going."  The encouragement didn't help much. I had to cut this outing short because Gavin was getting too cold and my muscles couldn't take much more.

We discovered that we love playing in snow especially when you have the right clothing!

Liliane's First Day Home

The boy's are enamored.  I don't get to hold Liliane except during feedings and while I'm feeding, they are right there begging to hold her.  

 We can't leave Lily on the floor because Gavin will zoom in to point out her eye, ears etc.  Both boys like to pull off her hat to show off her hair.  They can't understand how hats keep her warm.

If you know Dallin, then it doesn't shock you that he loves to hold babies.  He was the same way with Gavin.  What does shock me is that he can hold her for 30 minutes or longer and loves doing it.  The problem though is that she weighs nothing.  She came home weighing 4 lbs 4 oz (gaining her birth weight back plus an ounce.)  So Dallin can lift her up very easily so we have talks about when he can hold her and how. He is very good with her. He watched the "Happiest Baby" movie with me talking about the five S's to sooth a baby.  He likes to make the "shhhh" sound to calm her down.

 

 

Liliane got a bath on her first day home.  She didn't like it at first, but then calmed down.

 I forgot to get a picture of Lily in the carseat. It is ridiculous how small she is in it.  The nurses all said to use newborn diapers because preemie diapers don't work well.  I'm surprised these work because of how big they are on her!

On a funny note, when we got home from the hospital, we brought Lily in and put her carseat on the counter and Gavin followed.  Both Zane and I then went out to unload all the gifts the hospital gave us and a sleepy Dallin.  Gavin meanwhile turned the lock on the door leading to the garage where we were coming in.  We were surprised to be locked out with the 2 year old and 12 day old baby alone in the house together.  Zane started banging on the door telling Gavin to turn the lock again while I went around back looking through the glass door to get Gavin's attention.  Gavin meanwhile played with the vacuum and a snowman decoration.  We got a hold of my brother-in-law who told us there is no spare key and that he was a half hour away.  We didn't want to bring him home (although I'm sure he would have come saved us) so we tried again to get Gavin to open the door.  My brother-in-law then told us how to break in and we now carry a spare key. 

We have a problem with locks.  We had another problem with our babysitter and the boys being accidentally locked in Gavin's room once.  We paid that babysitter extra that night.